Is there a way to vent calmly? I feel like I have to get something off my chest before I can focus on school work. Maybe this is a new kind of stress I'm encountering? I don't know.
Last semester, I didn't put much heart into my school work. I was stressed with the wedding, and honestly, the wedding was higher on my priority list than school...mostly because I was so incredibly over being in school. But this semester is different. I recently got an A on an essay from my ENG 298 class. This is the first A on an essay that I can remember getting in a long, long time. It made me proud. I was honestly working very hard at that essay and felt like I knew what I was doing. It felt great to get an A on my writing again. I've been settling for Bs for so long, it seems like. "Oh, I'm in a 400 level English class, a B is still good," I would tell myself. But after getting that A, I feel like I could do way better than a B in all of my English classes this semester. I'm taking 477a, 449a, and 298. Three English classes has led me to a terrifying upcoming week. I have 3 major essays due in a matter of 10 days. All of them are 5 days apart; it's crazy. I have one professor who is amazing at helping out panicked essay writers, haha. I emailed her a few hours ago with ideas and a rough thesis statement, and she has already written back with a closing comment that made me smile and gave me motivation from out of no where: "Good luck, keep going, and trust your instincts - they are quite good!" To get a compliment from a professor I respect so much means a lot to me. Feels great.
You know what also is extremely motivating? Josh told me he would take me back to Disneyland for a day if I got straight As this semester. He even suggested making an epic double date out of it and inviting Deanna and Daniel along with us... and that was even more motivating. I feel like I just want to camp out in front of my computer and finish all of my essays and assignments for the rest of the semester in one marathon sitting.
You know what else is motivating? The possibility that next semester might be my last semester before student teaching. I've been anxious to get the class schedule to see where I stand, but registration isn't until November 8th...after talking to a classmate who has the same major that I do, she has reassured me that the education classes that I need will be offered, and taking the 2 remaining English classes shouldn't be a problem either. So, theoretically, I should only have one semester left. I can't really wrap my head around it, and I am certainly trying very hard not to get my hopes up that it works out that way...because even though the Education classes will be offered, that doesn't mean they won't conflict with each other...(i.e. having them start at the same time on the same day....I can't be in two places at once, unfortunately). I'm not worried about the English classes too much. I can possibly take whatever they don't offer online at CSN instead...maybe. That light at the end of the tunnel seems to be getting brighter and the likeliness of it being a train is also diminishing, haha.
But most motivating of all...getting school stuff done so if Josh gets orders in December to be in South Dakota by February... I can go with him. Being left behind is not an option...if I can help it.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
Frustrating
I was soooo tired today, yet here I am, up at midnight...again. I don't understand why I can't go to bed before midnight. Luckily, I get to sleep in for the first time this week tomorrow.
Also, I've been working really hard at working out and eating better. Yes, I've still continued to work out at least 4-5 days a week for at least 30 minutes each time. BUT I haven't lost weight. I still can't get below 147, and it's getting discouraging. Josh thinks I'm building muscle, and that's why it doesn't seem like I'm losing weight. I hope he's right.
Also, the future of my education. People keep asking me when I'm graduating or when I'm going to start student teaching. I'm not frustrated that people ask. In fact, it's nice how many people care about my future...or are at least curious enough about it to listen to me talk about it. What's frustrating is all of the unknowns. I don't know when I will graduate. I don't know when (or where) I will be student teaching. I don't even know where I will be living by the time 2012 rolls around. Josh's job has so many unknowns that effect my future too. I'm not resentful or angry with him or the job...it's not under his control. I just hate not knowing. I can't see past February! ...or even December. This living day by day thing is exhausting. Maybe that's why I've been so tired lately?
Regardless, I will push on and keep working out and working hard in school. Working out will have to pay off eventually. I may have to kick it up a notch and start working out for 45 minutes at a time as well as paying even closer attention to my caloric intake. As for school, I think signing up for Spring 2012 might relieve some frustrations about my future, hopefully.
Apart from these minor frustrations, there is a bigger picture here...and it's a beautifully happy one. I find these moments during the day where I ponder about where I am in life and find myself saying, "Life is good" and meaning it from the bottom of my heart. I have an incredible husband, and I can't wait to see what adventures life takes us on. I have a fabulously amazing family, both biological, extended, and in-law. I have friends that are so close that calling them just "friends" doesn't do our relationship justice. "Blood is thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood." -Garth Brooks... I couldn't be more blessed, seriously.
Also, I've been working really hard at working out and eating better. Yes, I've still continued to work out at least 4-5 days a week for at least 30 minutes each time. BUT I haven't lost weight. I still can't get below 147, and it's getting discouraging. Josh thinks I'm building muscle, and that's why it doesn't seem like I'm losing weight. I hope he's right.
Also, the future of my education. People keep asking me when I'm graduating or when I'm going to start student teaching. I'm not frustrated that people ask. In fact, it's nice how many people care about my future...or are at least curious enough about it to listen to me talk about it. What's frustrating is all of the unknowns. I don't know when I will graduate. I don't know when (or where) I will be student teaching. I don't even know where I will be living by the time 2012 rolls around. Josh's job has so many unknowns that effect my future too. I'm not resentful or angry with him or the job...it's not under his control. I just hate not knowing. I can't see past February! ...or even December. This living day by day thing is exhausting. Maybe that's why I've been so tired lately?
Regardless, I will push on and keep working out and working hard in school. Working out will have to pay off eventually. I may have to kick it up a notch and start working out for 45 minutes at a time as well as paying even closer attention to my caloric intake. As for school, I think signing up for Spring 2012 might relieve some frustrations about my future, hopefully.
Apart from these minor frustrations, there is a bigger picture here...and it's a beautifully happy one. I find these moments during the day where I ponder about where I am in life and find myself saying, "Life is good" and meaning it from the bottom of my heart. I have an incredible husband, and I can't wait to see what adventures life takes us on. I have a fabulously amazing family, both biological, extended, and in-law. I have friends that are so close that calling them just "friends" doesn't do our relationship justice. "Blood is thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood." -Garth Brooks... I couldn't be more blessed, seriously.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Time Flies
Wow, it's been a while. Six months and 23 days, to be exact. Yes, I counted.
We've been married for 5 months and 9 days. Yes, I just counted. The passage of time between then and now seems...disjointed? I don't want to say that it feels like we just got married yesterday, because it doesn't feel that way. But it also doesn't feel like a long time ago either. It just feels...right. I don't think I could be any happier.
Well, if I could be done with college and finally have my own classroom...that would be the cherry on top. But I just have to keep in mind that's what I'm working for...my motivation for school is dwindling. Luckily, I have some great friends in my classes with me, keeping me motivated. I've been in enough English classes now to recognize many people in class. I mean, I've taken enough classes to have two professors 3 times. I think the two of them are the only ones that teach the upper division classes, so I will probably have them for the remainder of my English classes. No complaints here; they're awesome. Anyway, I was surprised how many fellow English majors came up to me (and Lisa) at the beginning of this semester to say hello. I'm not particularly social, but I guess I actually have managed to acquire several future colleagues from my English and Education classes. That is what's great about Education majors. Everybody is pretty friendly (there are exceptions, of course) and willing to help and bounce ideas off one another. And it's great to talk to other people who have the same passion that you do about working with kids. Not to mention we can exchange hilarious stories and battle scars.
Also! I've been working out on a regular basis, and it feels fantastic. I know at the beginning of the year I told myself I would work out more, and needless to say...that fell through. But somewhere in the midst of this summer, sitting on my ass watching movies all day I realized I could be doing SOMETHING. I don't know how, but it just clicked. I've been working out at least 5 days a week, for a minimum of 20 minutes to a max of 35 minutes. And it's not all the same routine. Some days I will walk on the treadmill, or use the elliptical in our fitness center. Other days I will walk the dogs (depending on the weather) or just do an intense workout on the Kinect UFC game Josh bought. I've also been more aware of my calorie intake, which helps. I don't eat until I'm stuffed. I eat until I'm comfortably full, and no more. Snacks have consisted of fruits or Special K bars. I'm feeling very proud of myself. While I haven't lost a ton of weight, I have lost inches. I read an article to not only track your weight, but of inches around waist or thighs. This is because you could be building muscle while losing fat, so your weight might not change a lot. However, that doesn't mean your waist or thighs aren't getting smaller/more fit. So! Long story short, I'm losing inches and not torturing myself by weighing myself a million times a day. Just once, in the morning. Longer story short: I feel great, and I'm very proud of myself. I know I will keep this up because I feel guilty if I don't work out, and I actually feel like I WANT to workout. Weird, I know. 0.o
Also, I'm ahead in my classes, and it feels good not to stress about that. I will stay ahead this semester too. I'm trying to avoid unnecessary stress.
Currently, I'm enjoying a Disney movie marathon. Tangled is currently playing. There is something about Disney that just makes me happy. I guess that's why I almost cried happy tears on several different occasions when I was in Disneyland with Joshua. Being there with him was a dream come true for sure. And as soon as they finish Cars Land, he will love it there just as much as I do, haha. Can't wait to go back.
We've been married for 5 months and 9 days. Yes, I just counted. The passage of time between then and now seems...disjointed? I don't want to say that it feels like we just got married yesterday, because it doesn't feel that way. But it also doesn't feel like a long time ago either. It just feels...right. I don't think I could be any happier.
Well, if I could be done with college and finally have my own classroom...that would be the cherry on top. But I just have to keep in mind that's what I'm working for...my motivation for school is dwindling. Luckily, I have some great friends in my classes with me, keeping me motivated. I've been in enough English classes now to recognize many people in class. I mean, I've taken enough classes to have two professors 3 times. I think the two of them are the only ones that teach the upper division classes, so I will probably have them for the remainder of my English classes. No complaints here; they're awesome. Anyway, I was surprised how many fellow English majors came up to me (and Lisa) at the beginning of this semester to say hello. I'm not particularly social, but I guess I actually have managed to acquire several future colleagues from my English and Education classes. That is what's great about Education majors. Everybody is pretty friendly (there are exceptions, of course) and willing to help and bounce ideas off one another. And it's great to talk to other people who have the same passion that you do about working with kids. Not to mention we can exchange hilarious stories and battle scars.
Also! I've been working out on a regular basis, and it feels fantastic. I know at the beginning of the year I told myself I would work out more, and needless to say...that fell through. But somewhere in the midst of this summer, sitting on my ass watching movies all day I realized I could be doing SOMETHING. I don't know how, but it just clicked. I've been working out at least 5 days a week, for a minimum of 20 minutes to a max of 35 minutes. And it's not all the same routine. Some days I will walk on the treadmill, or use the elliptical in our fitness center. Other days I will walk the dogs (depending on the weather) or just do an intense workout on the Kinect UFC game Josh bought. I've also been more aware of my calorie intake, which helps. I don't eat until I'm stuffed. I eat until I'm comfortably full, and no more. Snacks have consisted of fruits or Special K bars. I'm feeling very proud of myself. While I haven't lost a ton of weight, I have lost inches. I read an article to not only track your weight, but of inches around waist or thighs. This is because you could be building muscle while losing fat, so your weight might not change a lot. However, that doesn't mean your waist or thighs aren't getting smaller/more fit. So! Long story short, I'm losing inches and not torturing myself by weighing myself a million times a day. Just once, in the morning. Longer story short: I feel great, and I'm very proud of myself. I know I will keep this up because I feel guilty if I don't work out, and I actually feel like I WANT to workout. Weird, I know. 0.o
Also, I'm ahead in my classes, and it feels good not to stress about that. I will stay ahead this semester too. I'm trying to avoid unnecessary stress.
Currently, I'm enjoying a Disney movie marathon. Tangled is currently playing. There is something about Disney that just makes me happy. I guess that's why I almost cried happy tears on several different occasions when I was in Disneyland with Joshua. Being there with him was a dream come true for sure. And as soon as they finish Cars Land, he will love it there just as much as I do, haha. Can't wait to go back.
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