Seems fitting that my last post was on the first day of this semester, and this post is about four days from the last day of the semester.
I'm in a state of bittersweet shock. I've tried predicting what I would feel when I finished my final semester, and it honestly was not this. Granted, I still have a proposal to finalize, and two days of my EDSP 411 class, but they hardly count in my eyes. I just finished my final English class, which feels incredibly more significant to me. All the books, the essays, the confusion, the frustration, the joy, the discussions, the word counts, JSTOR, Google Books, works cited pages...over. Five years, and it's over. I expected to feel happy that it's over, and I am...but not to the degree I expected. I'm completely and incredibly overjoyed, but not because it's over. I'm overjoyed because I've realized I've accomplished SO MUCH. I've worked my ass of the past five years. I'm so happy that I'm that much closer to teaching for real. The light at the end of the tunnel has always been just that...a light. But now it is in such clearer focus. It's my future, finally. It's right there, so very close. It's not a train! Haha.
I wish I had better words to describe my current emotional state.
After I clicked "submit" on that last essay of my undergrad career, I just stared at the confirmation notice and just could not compute what I had just done. I closed all of my windows that I had just been using to write the essay, and suddenly "Don't Worry, Be Happy" starts playing on Pandora. My stomach is in knots because I feel like getting up and doing a jig of joy, but then that song comes on and I just grin stupidly and try not to laugh out loud. I grab my headphones (Josh is sleeping), plug them in, turn it way up, sit back, put my feet up in the chair across from me at the table, tip my head back, and close my eyes, still grinning stupidly. I just sat there and enjoyed the song 1) because I love it and 2) because I COULD. I could sit and enjoy this little diddy because I didn't have that pressure of a final essay on my shoulders anymore. I allowed the idea of being DONE to sink in, and I found myself tearing up, but still grinning. I still don't know if it was from relief, joy, or both. I've never felt like this at the end of a semester. It feels like freedom, honestly.
Part of my excitement may be due to the fact that now I can officially read for FUN instead of having to read what's assigned. I haven't done that in a long time. In fact, it may be 12:25am, but I'm going to go start "Paper Towns" by John Green RIGHT NOW. BECAUSE I CAN.
Awesome. :)
