Seems fitting that my last post was on the first day of this semester, and this post is about four days from the last day of the semester.
I'm in a state of bittersweet shock. I've tried predicting what I would feel when I finished my final semester, and it honestly was not this. Granted, I still have a proposal to finalize, and two days of my EDSP 411 class, but they hardly count in my eyes. I just finished my final English class, which feels incredibly more significant to me. All the books, the essays, the confusion, the frustration, the joy, the discussions, the word counts, JSTOR, Google Books, works cited pages...over. Five years, and it's over. I expected to feel happy that it's over, and I am...but not to the degree I expected. I'm completely and incredibly overjoyed, but not because it's over. I'm overjoyed because I've realized I've accomplished SO MUCH. I've worked my ass of the past five years. I'm so happy that I'm that much closer to teaching for real. The light at the end of the tunnel has always been just that...a light. But now it is in such clearer focus. It's my future, finally. It's right there, so very close. It's not a train! Haha.
I wish I had better words to describe my current emotional state.
After I clicked "submit" on that last essay of my undergrad career, I just stared at the confirmation notice and just could not compute what I had just done. I closed all of my windows that I had just been using to write the essay, and suddenly "Don't Worry, Be Happy" starts playing on Pandora. My stomach is in knots because I feel like getting up and doing a jig of joy, but then that song comes on and I just grin stupidly and try not to laugh out loud. I grab my headphones (Josh is sleeping), plug them in, turn it way up, sit back, put my feet up in the chair across from me at the table, tip my head back, and close my eyes, still grinning stupidly. I just sat there and enjoyed the song 1) because I love it and 2) because I COULD. I could sit and enjoy this little diddy because I didn't have that pressure of a final essay on my shoulders anymore. I allowed the idea of being DONE to sink in, and I found myself tearing up, but still grinning. I still don't know if it was from relief, joy, or both. I've never felt like this at the end of a semester. It feels like freedom, honestly.
Part of my excitement may be due to the fact that now I can officially read for FUN instead of having to read what's assigned. I haven't done that in a long time. In fact, it may be 12:25am, but I'm going to go start "Paper Towns" by John Green RIGHT NOW. BECAUSE I CAN.
Awesome. :)
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Beginning of the End
I've been meaning to write for a while. With school officially starting today, it signifies more than just the beginning of the semester for me. It's the beginning of the end. Josh is leaving for Washington DC in 12 days. Then returning for a month, possibly having to return to shift work (i.e. mid-shift, day-shift, swing-shift rotations) when he gets back. Then he will be moving to New Mexico with the dogs, while I move back in to my dad's house. Long story short, this first day of the semester is also the first day of major changes that are going to be happening in the next 4 to 5 months.
Josh and I are pretty sick of being jerked around about whether or not he will actually be moving to NM in April or waiting another year. We've discussed it and decided his orders are not going to get delayed, and he will be leaving in April. It's better to assume he's leaving than to assume he isn't. For me, it's a tough pill to swallow. For him, he's excited for the new adventure...and I really appreciate that positive attitude.
Student teaching is becoming a reality. The paper work is ridiculous. I'm crossing my fingers that I can student teach at my dad's school, but that's not a guarantee. My contemporary American novel professor has lost his mind. I have my first paper due for that class in two weeks already and we haven't even had our first class! And what he calls "Imitation Papers". We have 2 papers, 2 "Imitation" papers, a midterm (a series of short essays), and a final (another series of short essays). And at one point in the semester he expects us to get through two novels in a week. Granted, they're small-ish novels, but this class isn't the only one I have to read for! I do have work in other classes, and he doesn't seem to understand that his students take more than just HIS class. I have 15 hours of observations for my methods class. And I have to do a 30 minute lesson and video tape it. I really do not want to watch myself teach. I already know it's going to be awkward. Ugh. My business writing professor didn't put a class schedule in her syllabus, so I have no idea what to expect for that class. There are no reading or writing assignments listed in the syllabus. This makes me wonder if she's going to teach this class on a whim...which never turns out well.
Well, enough complaining. I have to get my day started. Breakfast, chores, shower, etc. Life.
Josh and I are pretty sick of being jerked around about whether or not he will actually be moving to NM in April or waiting another year. We've discussed it and decided his orders are not going to get delayed, and he will be leaving in April. It's better to assume he's leaving than to assume he isn't. For me, it's a tough pill to swallow. For him, he's excited for the new adventure...and I really appreciate that positive attitude.
Student teaching is becoming a reality. The paper work is ridiculous. I'm crossing my fingers that I can student teach at my dad's school, but that's not a guarantee. My contemporary American novel professor has lost his mind. I have my first paper due for that class in two weeks already and we haven't even had our first class! And what he calls "Imitation Papers". We have 2 papers, 2 "Imitation" papers, a midterm (a series of short essays), and a final (another series of short essays). And at one point in the semester he expects us to get through two novels in a week. Granted, they're small-ish novels, but this class isn't the only one I have to read for! I do have work in other classes, and he doesn't seem to understand that his students take more than just HIS class. I have 15 hours of observations for my methods class. And I have to do a 30 minute lesson and video tape it. I really do not want to watch myself teach. I already know it's going to be awkward. Ugh. My business writing professor didn't put a class schedule in her syllabus, so I have no idea what to expect for that class. There are no reading or writing assignments listed in the syllabus. This makes me wonder if she's going to teach this class on a whim...which never turns out well.
Well, enough complaining. I have to get my day started. Breakfast, chores, shower, etc. Life.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Little Update
I thought I was going to have to take a class at UNLV or wait until summer to finish my classes, but after several days of obsessing over it, and worrying and stressing…I figured out that I had read my graduation requirement report wrong. The classes I’m signing up for next semester are enough. I will be absolutely done with classes after next semester and will be student teaching in the fall.
I found out that I can’t student teach in New Mexico. I’m required by the state to student teach here. If I wanted to transfer all of my school credits to New Mexico, then I could student teach there. But in reality, if I student teach here, I can take my license with me to NM and just take their law class to get a license there. Then, I would have a license in 2 states and if we end up moving back to NV, then I will be covered.
After next semester, I’m planning on spending the summer with Josh in New Mexico. I have no idea what I’m going to do for 3 months. Maybe find a summer job, or take a fun online class, or something. Then I will return to NV to student teach. Josh is concerned I won’t be able to find a teaching job in New Mexico afterwards. I’m crossing my fingers that jobs will open up in a year and a half. The next year and a half to 2 years is going to be interesting. I’m trying to not let it stress me out. I will continue with my mantra: “One day at a time.”
Josh and I may take a trip to New Mexico to check out the town of Alamogordo and/or the base to check out housing, etc.
I’m just anxious to register for classes on November 7th. I feel that registering for classes is the first step into the future that is New Mexico and finishing up my undergraduate class work. This anxiety is sucking the motivation out of to work on essays and projects that are due soon. I have an essay due on the 5th and 8th. My group in my online class is sending me their research on the 8th for me to compile into a PowerPoint presentation due on the 12th.
I told Lisa that it’s my day off and I should work on something school related, but she said, “it’s Funday Sunday” and I should chill out today because we are going to dominate our school work tomorrow. This made me laugh. I have not done any schoolwork today, but I’ve somehow found comfort in doing housework. I’ve done laundry, unloaded the dishwasher, picked up the place, made the bed(?!), and have white chili bubbling away in the crock-pot, and have done the dishes resulting from that as well. I plan to vacuum before Josh gets home too. I’ve also continued my first cross-stitch project…and find a sense of calm in that too. I find it so odd that I find comfort in these domestic duties. Whatever works to deal with the stress and anxiety, I guess. I can’t wait to get my new sewing machine on Tuesday. I have no idea what to make with it first. Hmmm….
Thursday, October 13, 2011
New Mexico FAQ
The New Mexico FAQ
For those of you who have not heard, Josh got orders to move to a new base in New Mexico. Ever since I’ve announced that we’re moving, I’ve had a slew of questions. Some I know the answers to, but most I don’t. All of the questions can be very frustrating. I’m not upset at the people asking questions, because I know they mean well. It’s that I don’t have the answers. So I’ve decided to write up an FAQ of all the details I actually do have.
Where in New Mexico?
The base is called Holloman AFB. It’s about 25 minutes outside of a small-ish town called Alamogordo, which is about 4 hours from Albuquerque. The base is in the middle of nowhere.
When will you move?
Josh is scheduled to be there by the 30th of April, which means he will have to leave before that, probably around the 9th. That may change.
What about school?
Hopefully next semester will be my last for classes. Josh will leave in the middle of my semester and I will stay behind to finish it out.
How long will you have to stay behind?
Until at least the middle of May.
What about student teaching?
Best case scenario, I will be able to do my student teaching in New Mexico next fall. Worst case scenario, I spend the summer with Josh and have to come back to Vegas for 3 months to student teach.
So what about graduation?
I don’t know. I know I will get my degree, but I doubt that I will actually “walk” to receive my degree because I may or may not be in Vegas at the time of the ceremony.
Where will you stay when Josh leaves?
I will move back in with my dad and Carol.
Where will you live in New Mexico?
I don’t know yet. Possibly on base, or possibly in Alamogordo. Josh may take some time to go down there to check it out.
Who will have the dogs?
Josh will take them with him when he leaves in April.
How do you feel about moving?
I have a mixed reaction. Best way to describe it is bittersweet. I’m excited to go someplace new to start a new adventure with my husband, but I’m also sad to be leaving the place I grew up. I keep in mind that the move is not permanent, and every child leaves home at some point or another. It really isn’t much different than if I had chosen to go out of state for college.
So that’s it. I apologize if your question was not on the list. That probably means I don’t have an answer for it. Keep in mind that this move is six months away, so many of the details will not be worked out for a long time. And it means that things can change. These are all the details I know for now. Hope it satisfied some of curiosities and whatnot.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Venting
Is there a way to vent calmly? I feel like I have to get something off my chest before I can focus on school work. Maybe this is a new kind of stress I'm encountering? I don't know.
Last semester, I didn't put much heart into my school work. I was stressed with the wedding, and honestly, the wedding was higher on my priority list than school...mostly because I was so incredibly over being in school. But this semester is different. I recently got an A on an essay from my ENG 298 class. This is the first A on an essay that I can remember getting in a long, long time. It made me proud. I was honestly working very hard at that essay and felt like I knew what I was doing. It felt great to get an A on my writing again. I've been settling for Bs for so long, it seems like. "Oh, I'm in a 400 level English class, a B is still good," I would tell myself. But after getting that A, I feel like I could do way better than a B in all of my English classes this semester. I'm taking 477a, 449a, and 298. Three English classes has led me to a terrifying upcoming week. I have 3 major essays due in a matter of 10 days. All of them are 5 days apart; it's crazy. I have one professor who is amazing at helping out panicked essay writers, haha. I emailed her a few hours ago with ideas and a rough thesis statement, and she has already written back with a closing comment that made me smile and gave me motivation from out of no where: "Good luck, keep going, and trust your instincts - they are quite good!" To get a compliment from a professor I respect so much means a lot to me. Feels great.
You know what also is extremely motivating? Josh told me he would take me back to Disneyland for a day if I got straight As this semester. He even suggested making an epic double date out of it and inviting Deanna and Daniel along with us... and that was even more motivating. I feel like I just want to camp out in front of my computer and finish all of my essays and assignments for the rest of the semester in one marathon sitting.
You know what else is motivating? The possibility that next semester might be my last semester before student teaching. I've been anxious to get the class schedule to see where I stand, but registration isn't until November 8th...after talking to a classmate who has the same major that I do, she has reassured me that the education classes that I need will be offered, and taking the 2 remaining English classes shouldn't be a problem either. So, theoretically, I should only have one semester left. I can't really wrap my head around it, and I am certainly trying very hard not to get my hopes up that it works out that way...because even though the Education classes will be offered, that doesn't mean they won't conflict with each other...(i.e. having them start at the same time on the same day....I can't be in two places at once, unfortunately). I'm not worried about the English classes too much. I can possibly take whatever they don't offer online at CSN instead...maybe. That light at the end of the tunnel seems to be getting brighter and the likeliness of it being a train is also diminishing, haha.
But most motivating of all...getting school stuff done so if Josh gets orders in December to be in South Dakota by February... I can go with him. Being left behind is not an option...if I can help it.
Last semester, I didn't put much heart into my school work. I was stressed with the wedding, and honestly, the wedding was higher on my priority list than school...mostly because I was so incredibly over being in school. But this semester is different. I recently got an A on an essay from my ENG 298 class. This is the first A on an essay that I can remember getting in a long, long time. It made me proud. I was honestly working very hard at that essay and felt like I knew what I was doing. It felt great to get an A on my writing again. I've been settling for Bs for so long, it seems like. "Oh, I'm in a 400 level English class, a B is still good," I would tell myself. But after getting that A, I feel like I could do way better than a B in all of my English classes this semester. I'm taking 477a, 449a, and 298. Three English classes has led me to a terrifying upcoming week. I have 3 major essays due in a matter of 10 days. All of them are 5 days apart; it's crazy. I have one professor who is amazing at helping out panicked essay writers, haha. I emailed her a few hours ago with ideas and a rough thesis statement, and she has already written back with a closing comment that made me smile and gave me motivation from out of no where: "Good luck, keep going, and trust your instincts - they are quite good!" To get a compliment from a professor I respect so much means a lot to me. Feels great.
You know what also is extremely motivating? Josh told me he would take me back to Disneyland for a day if I got straight As this semester. He even suggested making an epic double date out of it and inviting Deanna and Daniel along with us... and that was even more motivating. I feel like I just want to camp out in front of my computer and finish all of my essays and assignments for the rest of the semester in one marathon sitting.
You know what else is motivating? The possibility that next semester might be my last semester before student teaching. I've been anxious to get the class schedule to see where I stand, but registration isn't until November 8th...after talking to a classmate who has the same major that I do, she has reassured me that the education classes that I need will be offered, and taking the 2 remaining English classes shouldn't be a problem either. So, theoretically, I should only have one semester left. I can't really wrap my head around it, and I am certainly trying very hard not to get my hopes up that it works out that way...because even though the Education classes will be offered, that doesn't mean they won't conflict with each other...(i.e. having them start at the same time on the same day....I can't be in two places at once, unfortunately). I'm not worried about the English classes too much. I can possibly take whatever they don't offer online at CSN instead...maybe. That light at the end of the tunnel seems to be getting brighter and the likeliness of it being a train is also diminishing, haha.
But most motivating of all...getting school stuff done so if Josh gets orders in December to be in South Dakota by February... I can go with him. Being left behind is not an option...if I can help it.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Frustrating
I was soooo tired today, yet here I am, up at midnight...again. I don't understand why I can't go to bed before midnight. Luckily, I get to sleep in for the first time this week tomorrow.
Also, I've been working really hard at working out and eating better. Yes, I've still continued to work out at least 4-5 days a week for at least 30 minutes each time. BUT I haven't lost weight. I still can't get below 147, and it's getting discouraging. Josh thinks I'm building muscle, and that's why it doesn't seem like I'm losing weight. I hope he's right.
Also, the future of my education. People keep asking me when I'm graduating or when I'm going to start student teaching. I'm not frustrated that people ask. In fact, it's nice how many people care about my future...or are at least curious enough about it to listen to me talk about it. What's frustrating is all of the unknowns. I don't know when I will graduate. I don't know when (or where) I will be student teaching. I don't even know where I will be living by the time 2012 rolls around. Josh's job has so many unknowns that effect my future too. I'm not resentful or angry with him or the job...it's not under his control. I just hate not knowing. I can't see past February! ...or even December. This living day by day thing is exhausting. Maybe that's why I've been so tired lately?
Regardless, I will push on and keep working out and working hard in school. Working out will have to pay off eventually. I may have to kick it up a notch and start working out for 45 minutes at a time as well as paying even closer attention to my caloric intake. As for school, I think signing up for Spring 2012 might relieve some frustrations about my future, hopefully.
Apart from these minor frustrations, there is a bigger picture here...and it's a beautifully happy one. I find these moments during the day where I ponder about where I am in life and find myself saying, "Life is good" and meaning it from the bottom of my heart. I have an incredible husband, and I can't wait to see what adventures life takes us on. I have a fabulously amazing family, both biological, extended, and in-law. I have friends that are so close that calling them just "friends" doesn't do our relationship justice. "Blood is thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood." -Garth Brooks... I couldn't be more blessed, seriously.
Also, I've been working really hard at working out and eating better. Yes, I've still continued to work out at least 4-5 days a week for at least 30 minutes each time. BUT I haven't lost weight. I still can't get below 147, and it's getting discouraging. Josh thinks I'm building muscle, and that's why it doesn't seem like I'm losing weight. I hope he's right.
Also, the future of my education. People keep asking me when I'm graduating or when I'm going to start student teaching. I'm not frustrated that people ask. In fact, it's nice how many people care about my future...or are at least curious enough about it to listen to me talk about it. What's frustrating is all of the unknowns. I don't know when I will graduate. I don't know when (or where) I will be student teaching. I don't even know where I will be living by the time 2012 rolls around. Josh's job has so many unknowns that effect my future too. I'm not resentful or angry with him or the job...it's not under his control. I just hate not knowing. I can't see past February! ...or even December. This living day by day thing is exhausting. Maybe that's why I've been so tired lately?
Regardless, I will push on and keep working out and working hard in school. Working out will have to pay off eventually. I may have to kick it up a notch and start working out for 45 minutes at a time as well as paying even closer attention to my caloric intake. As for school, I think signing up for Spring 2012 might relieve some frustrations about my future, hopefully.
Apart from these minor frustrations, there is a bigger picture here...and it's a beautifully happy one. I find these moments during the day where I ponder about where I am in life and find myself saying, "Life is good" and meaning it from the bottom of my heart. I have an incredible husband, and I can't wait to see what adventures life takes us on. I have a fabulously amazing family, both biological, extended, and in-law. I have friends that are so close that calling them just "friends" doesn't do our relationship justice. "Blood is thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood." -Garth Brooks... I couldn't be more blessed, seriously.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Time Flies
Wow, it's been a while. Six months and 23 days, to be exact. Yes, I counted.
We've been married for 5 months and 9 days. Yes, I just counted. The passage of time between then and now seems...disjointed? I don't want to say that it feels like we just got married yesterday, because it doesn't feel that way. But it also doesn't feel like a long time ago either. It just feels...right. I don't think I could be any happier.
Well, if I could be done with college and finally have my own classroom...that would be the cherry on top. But I just have to keep in mind that's what I'm working for...my motivation for school is dwindling. Luckily, I have some great friends in my classes with me, keeping me motivated. I've been in enough English classes now to recognize many people in class. I mean, I've taken enough classes to have two professors 3 times. I think the two of them are the only ones that teach the upper division classes, so I will probably have them for the remainder of my English classes. No complaints here; they're awesome. Anyway, I was surprised how many fellow English majors came up to me (and Lisa) at the beginning of this semester to say hello. I'm not particularly social, but I guess I actually have managed to acquire several future colleagues from my English and Education classes. That is what's great about Education majors. Everybody is pretty friendly (there are exceptions, of course) and willing to help and bounce ideas off one another. And it's great to talk to other people who have the same passion that you do about working with kids. Not to mention we can exchange hilarious stories and battle scars.
Also! I've been working out on a regular basis, and it feels fantastic. I know at the beginning of the year I told myself I would work out more, and needless to say...that fell through. But somewhere in the midst of this summer, sitting on my ass watching movies all day I realized I could be doing SOMETHING. I don't know how, but it just clicked. I've been working out at least 5 days a week, for a minimum of 20 minutes to a max of 35 minutes. And it's not all the same routine. Some days I will walk on the treadmill, or use the elliptical in our fitness center. Other days I will walk the dogs (depending on the weather) or just do an intense workout on the Kinect UFC game Josh bought. I've also been more aware of my calorie intake, which helps. I don't eat until I'm stuffed. I eat until I'm comfortably full, and no more. Snacks have consisted of fruits or Special K bars. I'm feeling very proud of myself. While I haven't lost a ton of weight, I have lost inches. I read an article to not only track your weight, but of inches around waist or thighs. This is because you could be building muscle while losing fat, so your weight might not change a lot. However, that doesn't mean your waist or thighs aren't getting smaller/more fit. So! Long story short, I'm losing inches and not torturing myself by weighing myself a million times a day. Just once, in the morning. Longer story short: I feel great, and I'm very proud of myself. I know I will keep this up because I feel guilty if I don't work out, and I actually feel like I WANT to workout. Weird, I know. 0.o
Also, I'm ahead in my classes, and it feels good not to stress about that. I will stay ahead this semester too. I'm trying to avoid unnecessary stress.
Currently, I'm enjoying a Disney movie marathon. Tangled is currently playing. There is something about Disney that just makes me happy. I guess that's why I almost cried happy tears on several different occasions when I was in Disneyland with Joshua. Being there with him was a dream come true for sure. And as soon as they finish Cars Land, he will love it there just as much as I do, haha. Can't wait to go back.
We've been married for 5 months and 9 days. Yes, I just counted. The passage of time between then and now seems...disjointed? I don't want to say that it feels like we just got married yesterday, because it doesn't feel that way. But it also doesn't feel like a long time ago either. It just feels...right. I don't think I could be any happier.
Well, if I could be done with college and finally have my own classroom...that would be the cherry on top. But I just have to keep in mind that's what I'm working for...my motivation for school is dwindling. Luckily, I have some great friends in my classes with me, keeping me motivated. I've been in enough English classes now to recognize many people in class. I mean, I've taken enough classes to have two professors 3 times. I think the two of them are the only ones that teach the upper division classes, so I will probably have them for the remainder of my English classes. No complaints here; they're awesome. Anyway, I was surprised how many fellow English majors came up to me (and Lisa) at the beginning of this semester to say hello. I'm not particularly social, but I guess I actually have managed to acquire several future colleagues from my English and Education classes. That is what's great about Education majors. Everybody is pretty friendly (there are exceptions, of course) and willing to help and bounce ideas off one another. And it's great to talk to other people who have the same passion that you do about working with kids. Not to mention we can exchange hilarious stories and battle scars.
Also! I've been working out on a regular basis, and it feels fantastic. I know at the beginning of the year I told myself I would work out more, and needless to say...that fell through. But somewhere in the midst of this summer, sitting on my ass watching movies all day I realized I could be doing SOMETHING. I don't know how, but it just clicked. I've been working out at least 5 days a week, for a minimum of 20 minutes to a max of 35 minutes. And it's not all the same routine. Some days I will walk on the treadmill, or use the elliptical in our fitness center. Other days I will walk the dogs (depending on the weather) or just do an intense workout on the Kinect UFC game Josh bought. I've also been more aware of my calorie intake, which helps. I don't eat until I'm stuffed. I eat until I'm comfortably full, and no more. Snacks have consisted of fruits or Special K bars. I'm feeling very proud of myself. While I haven't lost a ton of weight, I have lost inches. I read an article to not only track your weight, but of inches around waist or thighs. This is because you could be building muscle while losing fat, so your weight might not change a lot. However, that doesn't mean your waist or thighs aren't getting smaller/more fit. So! Long story short, I'm losing inches and not torturing myself by weighing myself a million times a day. Just once, in the morning. Longer story short: I feel great, and I'm very proud of myself. I know I will keep this up because I feel guilty if I don't work out, and I actually feel like I WANT to workout. Weird, I know. 0.o
Also, I'm ahead in my classes, and it feels good not to stress about that. I will stay ahead this semester too. I'm trying to avoid unnecessary stress.
Currently, I'm enjoying a Disney movie marathon. Tangled is currently playing. There is something about Disney that just makes me happy. I guess that's why I almost cried happy tears on several different occasions when I was in Disneyland with Joshua. Being there with him was a dream come true for sure. And as soon as they finish Cars Land, he will love it there just as much as I do, haha. Can't wait to go back.
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